“I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part. God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart” ~Anonymous.
If only I could turn back time, I would love to get one more hug. Or maybe two, maybe three, maybe four.
Being left behind forever by a loved one is never easy. I don't know how many times I've said this sentence, because well that's the truth. An ugly truth that many people seem to forget. The fact that we, who are grieving the loss of a loved one, need time, energy and constant support.
Grief, who has now become my friend in fact wasn't always nice to me. It often comes suddenly, leaving me with various emotional turmoil. It just came and went without me knowing what to do.
I think, discussing grief and loss is closely related to anger with so many whys. Why did he leave so fast? Why should we feel lost? Why this time? Why me? Why my father? Why?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer till now. The question that always comes up in the 'discussion' every night with God. At some point I felt like should I stop asking questions? Should I just accept it as it is without knowing the meaning of all that happened? I have no idea.
Anger and full of questions become inseparable. One thing you may need to know is, this is normal. You are human, I am human, we are all just human beings who are endowed with various feelings. It becomes unnatural if this normal feeling is judged by people to be something that should not be felt.
“Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly – hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear” ~Joan Rivers
If referring to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's theory of 5 stages of grief, anger is the second stage of grief after denial. However, that does not mean that everyone will experience the same and linear stages. There are many causes of anger that is felt when grieving. Starting from being angry at the fact that a loved one is gone, angry at having to continue life without a loved one, angry at the people around who keep telling you to be strong and steadfast, or maybe angry at God for taking a loved one so quickly.
“It is kind of shocking when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries on with life. How can the birds continue to sing? How can people carry on a loving life? It is like you have become frozen in time and are now watching life like a movie. As the weeks and months roll by, life becomes more real again, but you will never forget that point in time where life stood still” ~Zoe Clark-Coates.
The saddest thing, is when I know I can't do anything about it. The death of a loved one is beyond my control, beyond my control as an ordinary human being.
Ah if only I could get one more hug. Or maybe two, maybe three. Indeed, daydreaming is fun. Indeed, my delusions did not bring him back. Indeed, I'm missing. Today, yesterday and tomorrow.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one, you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Comments