As far as I can see, grief will never truly end. It may become softer over time, more gentle, and some days will feel sharp. But grief will last as long as love does—forever. It’s simply the way the absence of your loved one manifests in your heart. A deep longing, accompanied by the deepest love. Some days, the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede, once again. It’s all an ebb and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and joy, pain and sweet love.
Scribbles & Crumbs
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Welcome to the dead father club, they said. The club that nobody wanted to join, ever. This Sunday will be my second father’s day without my father. I lost my father when he was 57 to a sudden heart attack after battling in the hospital’s ICU for almost 2 weeks using ventilator and diagnosed with several complications. He was all alone and his death changed my life totally upside down.
These past 2 years I always remind myself that it’s totally ok to not be ok, that it’s totally normal to feel everything that had to be felt. The deep longing and sorrow in my heart that no one can replace, the black hole, the darkness.
Some people asked me about some tips get through father’s day, so I guess I will share some things that had helped me (and maybe can help you, too)
1. Feel what I need to feel
As for me, there’s no point to deny my feelings. All my feelings are valid and the only way for me to get through it is by feeling it and sit with it.
2. Taking my time
Grief is exhausting. Taking some time off and really listen to my heart has helped me a lot. I also joined several support groups to help me feel that I am not alone.
3. Ask for help when needed
I did some counseling when things are tough, and it had helped me. I know that finding a therapist/psychologist who ‘gets’ you is hard, but doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It took me some time to finally find the one :)
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To the fatherless on father’s day, I see you, I am with you. You are not alone, even though it may sometimes feel like it.
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